| closure |
[Apr. 27th, 2004|01:34 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  lonely | ] |
so i'm gonna stop updating...seems there is a lack of careing from a lot of people (from what i understand like no one updates/checks updates anymore)...and besides i care not for what i did the night before to read about it later...when i first got a journal like 3yrs ago...i actually posted info about how i felt and ish...but i slowly realize...that i don't even know how i feel anymore to be putting anything into words...
i miss those 36 comment count i used to get and ish like that...esp when i was on VT...but alas those days are up...
i mean i'd love to keep people informed about what i'm up to...but no one seems to care...atleast those that i wish would care/still read...
i haven't seen like any of my friends in a LONG time...i mean not just a "hi" "bie" situation...i mean actually going out and having fun...
my best friend is always working or i'm working and we can never meet up...another one of my friends doesn't have a car now and even so...he has school...other friends i've just completely lost contact with...i mean...i don't know...this is pointless because no one really checks this that often...and it's my fault because of the longest time i didn't update...and that was because (as i explained above) there was nothing really to update on...and there still isn't...
school is coming to an end...but i'm gonna be right back into it not even a week later...
i've already taken off for both of my main vacations this summer...plus may 14th so i can goto this dinner thing with kimbrie and her rents (i believe they are going) down in MD...::shrugges:: i don't even remember the planning of this going on...but o'well who cares...
here i sit with a dead deadjournal (o the irony)...so if i EVER do update again...i might start using those private post things...
you know for as long as i've had this journal...i've never made a private or friends only post...and i prolly should have done more friends only so that i wouldn't have been attacked so much by assholes...which is a big reason why i stopped posting...because no one has respect anymore...and if i had used more friend postings and not been flamed so much...then i would prolly keep updating...and more on a daily basis...::shrugges:: well this post is done with...as is this blog...
night all |
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| mathematical viewpoint |
[Apr. 23rd, 2004|07:06 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  exhausted | ] |
From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:
What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?
Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:
If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.
Then:
H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%
and
K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%
But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%
And,
B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T !
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%
AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%
So, one can then conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and knowledge will get you close, and, Attitude will get you there, Bull**** and Ass kissing will put you over the top. |
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| so much work...so little time :{ |
[Apr. 22nd, 2004|04:01 pm] |
so yea...i'm feeling like 60% better then i did at the beginning of this week lol
i have so much hwk to do that is all due next week...that last week of all my classes :P YAYA!!!!
i have 6 sections in Math Concepts, 4 sections in calcI, 2 IH papers to write, and a program...and if i want to get extra credit for my math concepts course...i have to write a program that lets the user input the size of a matrix and then the value in that matrix...and then computes the inverse...anyone know how to do that? if so...get in touch with me...that's 4pts on my final grade :P |
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| o no... |
[Apr. 19th, 2004|04:50 pm] |
i just ran out of tissues :{...i went through 2 boxes in 4 days :{...and now...it wasn't because i was having fun...
on other news...i tried to do some calc...and after 2½ problems...i got a stomach ache and thaught i was going to throw up...well that went away but my fever came back...ughs...how many times do you need to sweat it out before it goes away completely? |
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| My other penis is a vagina... |
[Apr. 19th, 2004|12:59 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  groggy | ] |
so i didn't goto school or work today because i woke up at 6 with a 102º fever...AGAIN...for like the 3rd day in a row...ughs...
so i was watching MTv today and jessica simpson's "take my breathe away" made me want to watch top gun...but i haven't gotten around to it because i have so much fucking hwk i HAVE to do or i'm going to end up failing calc...i think lol...::shakes head::
i've been feeling better...but whose to say that will last...
saturday morning i felt a LOT better...but by the afternoon my fever had come back...then it went away...and came back at night...ugh...sunday i was sick all day...and today i'm doing better...but still sick :{
you know...that outkast music video for roses is really cool lol...i love outkast...thank you rupertus :P
check this out |
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| what a night... |
[Apr. 17th, 2004|12:07 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crappy | ] |
so nothing really has been going on...just been doing school work nd playing Blood Omen 2 and Resident Evil: Outbreak...both really good games...
last night me and kimbrie went and saw kill bill vol.2...it was excellent...save for the fact i had a fever...i was delerious and shit wasn't makeing to much sense to me...
i had to drive her back to the hotel in center city where her mom is staying for the weekend...i got home and i didn't know what was going on...i swear i had a 100+º fever...it was real bad...
when i woke up this morning i was a LOT better...no more "fever" but i felt like shit...but im feeling alittle better...but VERY tired...
today i worked on my car...a LOT...i changed the oil, added window washer fluid, coolant, changed the oil filter(duh), changed the spark plugs (omg...never again lol)...and then did some other minor work...like filled up the power steering ish with stuff that should stop the leak (we hope)...and then i spent a good amount of time getting new windsheild whipers...ugh...those were a pain to get off...well one was...the other was just dangling on there lol...
the spark plugs were such a prob...my dad told me the gap was supposed to be 56 (so said the book at pep boys)...but the book in my car says 45...so after we gapped them to 56...i had to ungap them and put them back to 45...ugh...having them at 56 would have been nice...alittle more explosion in my car couldn't hurt...
tomorrow i have to check the oil again and top it off...i ran it alittle and tested the trannie fluid...but tomorrow i have to check the oil again and add the rest (i added 4qts...tomorrow i add the last qt) because the oil has to settle in the ish and crap...you know how it is...i think sometime in the near future i'm going to be working on my bros car...that should be fun ::rolls eyes::
well off to pep boys to drop off the oil and all the shit we need to throw away...o and to buy me a new head light because the driver side one exploded the other day :P |
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| wtf doc...wtf indeed |
[Apr. 5th, 2004|05:16 pm] |
1) grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 18, find line 4: "Do not disassemble or unwrap the battery pack."
2) stretch your left arm out as far as you can. what do you touch first?: nothing
3) what is the last thing you watched on tv?: not to sure...so video games count? (RE:O)
4) without looking, guess what time it is: 5:20
5) now look at the clock, what is the actual time?: 5:19
6) with the exception of the computer, what can you hear?: my mom saying ::kinda signing:: "where's my little guy"
7) When was the last time you stepped outside?: um i work outside :{
8) before you came to this website, what did you look at?: doc's journal
9) what are you wearing?: a green dragon shirt (like you didn't know) and bieg cargos (cause cargos are hot :P)
10) did you dream last night?: yea...everyone dreams...it's a metter of do you remember it...
11) when did you last laugh?: a second ago
12) what is on the walls of the room you are in?: not much, corck board with ish on it, a light, a cross, some speakers...i think that's it
13) seen anything weird lately?: yea...they were filming a camran diez movie on 16th and spruce today while i was walking through that neighborhood...then as i walked around the area more i found production trucks located on every corner for a 6 block radius...apparently they were filming all this shit at the same time for this movie...so like maybe one scene is just a fill in scene to introduce a building she is in...the other could have been for the opening...and ish like that...but wow was there a lot of ish being done at once :P |
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| what a night... |
[Apr. 4th, 2004|12:10 pm] |
so yea...yesterday i just ended up working on my bros computer for like 2hrs...i got it to repair install xp...but for some reason...it didn't keep all the programs because it made him a diff user and deleted access to the old user...so i had to reinstall everything...but not norton...cause that for some reason was slowing kimbrie's and his computers down...and i bet it is slowing mine down as well :P
then last night me, my bro, babs, and p went to the pyramid around the corner from my house to see trov and his band play...it was awesome...i had a lot of fun...
my bro was offering me ish all night so i finally did sambuca (sp?) shots with him...i love it (as i found out in spain) but i also hate it (as i remembered after taking it :P)...we did 2 hookah's...an orange and a caramel...ish was bangin...i was the only one able to hold the orange down without chocking :P...iron lungs man...iron lungs...the shit was hot...
cops came twice to check up lol...it was hilarious how everyone under 21 froze save for me because both times my drinks were accross the room near the hookah :P...
dennis (my bros friend) ordered a pitcher of beer and everyone took a little from it (like he wanted them to) but then when he got the second one no one helped him lol...so i offered...
after the show was over and the hookah's died out...we went back to dennis' and both babs and jenna (dennis' gf) were gone...it was hilarious...
all in all it was a good night...o and a wendy's run because babs was hungry at 1am...i got home at like 3:30am (dls)...so it was actually 2:30 :P...but meh whatev...everyone ends up staying out later then usual on DSL cause we always forget at 2 it becomes 3 :P
BIES!!! |
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| well well well... |
[Apr. 2nd, 2004|07:27 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  thirsty | ] |
so yea...since everyone seems to be posting their fall 2004 roster...i guess i will as well :P
DEATH AND DYING: M - 8:40AM-9:30AM
DATA STRUCTURES: M - 9:40AM-11:30AM
COMP SYS & PROG: M - 11:40AM-1:30PM
WAR AND SOCIETY: M - 1:40PM-2:30PM
HIST OF THE US 1877-PRES: T - 8:40AM-9:30AM
DEATH AND DYING: W - 8:40AM-9:30AM
DATA STRUCTURES: W - 9:40AM-10:30AM
COMP SYS & PROG: W - 11:40AM-12:30PM
WAR AND SOCIETY: W - 1:40PM-2:30PM
HIST OF THE US 1877-PRES: R - 8:40AM-9:30AM
DEATH AND DYING: F - 8:40AM-9:30AM
DATA STRUCTURES: F - 9:40AM-11:30AM
COMP SYS & PROG: F - 11:40AM-1:30PM
WAR AND SOCIETY: F - 1:40PM-2:30PM
as you can all see...i have 2 computer classes, 1 religion (for my minor) and 2 history classes (for my minor as well :P)...it's a packed schedule...but it shouldn't be that hard seeing how both the histories i've already had before...and they are only 50min :P and computer systems and low-level programming you don't do much programming in lol...it's a linux class...so i'm not to worried that M and F i don't have any breaks...i think it's a nice schedule...o i'm also taking 17cr... |
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| |
[Apr. 1st, 2004|12:44 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cynical | ] |
Zito: you know the end of eternal sunshine...when they are on the beach
Kimbrie: yea
Zito: they show you that 3 times at the end
Zito: 3 different scenes of them on the snowy beach
Kimbrie: ?
Zito: and i didn't notice but on imdb they said the original screen play called for them to have the procedure done 16 times and each time they met again the same way...like as if no matter what they did they were ment for each other
Zito: but charlie kaufman took it out because it would have been redundent to show it over and over
Zito: so instead of shows the last scene 3 times to bring the message home
Kimbrie: ... 16 times?
Kimbrie: like they have to go get erased 16 times?
Kimbrie: yea, i membered seeing it twice, but not 3 times
Zito: well it happens during the movie...but during the end credits they show it 3 times
Zito: they have the procedure done again because they fall into the same trap
Zito: they end up hateing each other again
Zito: they even point it out in the hall way
Zito: she says "...and I'll end up hating you for being boring because I'm going to feel trapped, because that's what I do..."
Zito: and then he says okay and she agrees and it ends...
Zito: meaning that he doesn't care and she doesn't care what will happen...they are going to make the best of it because they love each other...and if it comes down to it...they'll try and work through it...but they will eventually fall into the same problems of finding each other boring and ish
Zito: because that is who they REALLY are...they get bored with people...so even if they have their bad memories erased...they will still get bored with people...
Kimbrie: yea
Kimbrie: i understand
Kimbrie: interesting
Kimbrie: i didnt get the idea that they dit it over and over
Kimbrie: i got the idea that they just realized there was nothing they could do nad that they were meant to be
Kimbrie: and they'd work through it
Kimbrie: i dunno lol
Kimbrie: guess thats me just being optomistic
Zito: no that is right
Zito: they do get back together because they believe they are ment to be...but after another 2yrs she gets bored and he doesn't think she would be a good mother...and it happens again
Zito: showing them playing in the snow on the beach is good because it shows that with their memories erased they end up doing the same things they did the first time around
Zito: it's ironic that they end up doing all the same things and going to the same places again
Kimbrie: yea
Zito: cause earlier in the movie they show you that same exact scene in his memories |
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| what the shit? |
[Feb. 28th, 2004|11:22 am] |
Advanced Big 30 Personality Test Results | Sociability | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 66% | | Gregariousness | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 70% | | Assertiveness | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 70% | | Activity Level | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 66% | | Excitement-Seeking | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 66% | | Enthusiasm | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 62% | | Extroversion | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 66% | | Trust | |||||||||||| | 38% | | Morality | |||||||||||| | 38% | | Altruism | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 62% | | Cooperation | |||||||||||| | 38% | | Modesty | |||||||||||| | 34% | | Sympathy | ||||||||||||||| | 42% | | Friendliness | ||||||||||||||| | 42% | | Confidence | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 74% | | Neatness | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 74% | | Dutifulness | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 66% | | Achievement | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 74% | | Self-Discipline | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 74% | | Cautiousness | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 62% | | Orderliness | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 70% | | Anxiety | |||||||||||||||||| | 58% | | Volatility | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 66% | | Depression | ||||||||||||||| | 42% | | Self-Consciousness | ||||||||||||||| | 46% | | Impulsiveness | |||||||||||||||||| | 58% | | Vulnerability | |||||||||||||||||| | 58% | | Emotional Stability | ||||||||||||||| | 46% | | Imagination | |||||||||||||||||||||||||||| | 82% | | Artistic Interests | ||||||||||||||| | 46% | | Emotionality | |||||||||||||||||| | 58% | | Adventurousness | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 66% | | Intellect | |||||||||||||||||||||||| | 78% | | Liberalism | |||||||||||||||||| | 54% | | Openmindedness | ||||||||||||||||||||| | 64% | | Take Free Advanced Big 30 Personality Test |
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| the passion was awesome |
[Feb. 28th, 2004|10:39 am] |
Wade2008: sorry me and my dad were talking about the dualality of god and lucifer
Cheeziebrie: oh really? i woudl haveliked to hear that convo
Wade2008: how in the movie they portray the devil as doing god's biding
Cheeziebrie: they did?
Wade2008: yea...cause jesus was always supposed to die for our sins
Wade2008: and the only way to have him killed was for the devil to sway the jews
Wade2008: because they say in the movie "you wish to condemn the man who you praised not to long ago"
Wade2008: in the book of job lucifer was not allowed to hurt job without gods permission
Wade2008: in the quaran lucifer was not evil
Wade2008: he was the best angel
Wade2008: god asked the arch angels to kill/destroy and lucifer said "god i love you to much to destroy what you have created"
Wade2008: and god banished him
Wade2008: for disobeying
Wade2008: god realized that there can not be good without evil
Wade2008: why would we need a god to pray to if there was no suffering to cause praying
Cheeziebrie: yessch
Wade2008: we would not believe in someone more powerful then us if we were all good |
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| LOOOOONG weekend :P |
[Feb. 16th, 2004|11:11 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  indescribable | ] |
god this was a strange weekend...but a great valentines day :P
friday i worked (o god did i work :{) and then i walked to south street to get kimbrie's v-day gift...and then from south i walked home :P...that's love right there hahaha...when i got home my rents had dinner almost ready and it was like only 5:00...i was uber happy that they had it done early so i could try and get out early to goto kimbrie's party...
um well it didn't make a difference because apparently i forgot my bro had my car...so i couldn't go anywhere with it because it needed all the gas in it because of the filming this weekend...
so i just sat around and waited for ilagan to show up and crap...i played some soul reaver and got through a LOT of the game...ilagan eventually came around the same time my bro got in...i helped unload the car of film equipment (this was like the 3rd set of shit they brought home that i helped them unload in the past week ::shakes head::)...
we got to kimbrie's...it was good times...chev showed up late...but everyone else was there (and by everyone else i mean me, kimbrie, pete, lisa s, boris, lisa p, kelly, doc, ilagan, and karen...)...it was fun...i was smultra tired but i indured...as well as i could lol...
ilagan took my home around 1:00 and i got online and did nothing till 1:30...that's when i passed out...
saturday i had to wake up at 6:00 to pick people up from temple and have them at 7th and chestnut by 7:00...that all went fine...i left shortly after dropping people off...mind you i had to drive my bros car...i came home and played some SC at like 7:30 and then went to sleep at 9:00 and woke up at 12:00 and started on my hwk...
i did my IH paper which is due on thursday...then i wrote a mini essay which is due tomorrow...then i worked on like 2 sections of math hwk...i left and went to pick everyone else up from the filming. i was a tad early so i stayed and watched some filming, it seems to be going REALLY well...
i took people back to temple and then came home (i had my car back :P)
after that i took and shower and all that and got ready for kimbrie to get here so we could goto dinner with ilagan, karen, pete, and lisa...kimbrie was running late but meh whatev...i played some more soul reaver :P and i played for a good like hour+...it was interesting...i REALLY like it
um...dinner was at bugaboo creek in the f'in mills parking lot area...food was great for the price...good times were had...
after dinner (which took forever to get ;[) we left to goto south street so karen and ilagan could get a vertical lebray (sp?) peircing...so we all split up and me and kimbrie went to pick up doc from the troc and then we were gonna meet everyone on south street...on the way out of f'in mills we saw a REAL bad accident...a white mustang was raped around a tree :{...sad...but yea...the peircing place was closed so we took doc to ilagans car and kimbrie took me home because i had to be up again on sunday morning to do the filming thing again...
she dropped me off and then i passed out...
sunday i woke up again and did the picking of people up and i stayed this time till like 12:00...i got home at like 12:15 and then passed out till like 1:30 when kimbrie showed up for sunday dinner with my grents...
apparently my aunt and uncle from md were up so kimbrie got to meet them lol...strange...
after dinner there me and my dad had to drive up to the filming and pick shit up because they were "done" but this weekend they have to go back and finish a scene that didn't get done...but from what i saw that morning this movie is going to be a fucking riot lol...i can't wait...
speaking of the movie i need to do an update on that site lol...maybe tomorrow night :P
after all the picking up was done and taking the equipment home me and my dad unloaded the cars and crap and me and kimbrie ended up watching "Johnny English" and part of "Seabiscuit" so i think we will finish that is later :P and maybe "My Boss's Daughter"...
today i didn't have work so i went to class...i didn't pay attention and then i left and came home...i played a game of SC with pete and then passed out...and got woken up at like 2:45 from my aunt who needed to use the VCR downstairs...i ended up staying with her and my cousin and some lady and we watched a wedding tape...apparently the random women that was here is the person in charge of my cousins video tapeing of her wedding...no wonder we watched the wedding movie...
at like 4:30 they left and i tried to go back to sleep...that didn't happen so i started to work on the remaining 31 calc problems...i ended up finishing those last 2 sections up...112 calc problems finished...
then dinner came and then i read for my java test tomorrow and ended up playing soul reaver...im making MAD ASS head way lol..that game fucking rules...
needless to day i got all my hwk done for this week...so what now...:P
i didn't have much to talk about...but i figure since i like never update...something like this would be worth it...
i might have another update tonight...but since it's already like 11:40...i guess it's looking like that wont happen...but we'll see how tired i am... |
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| w00h00 |
[Feb. 12th, 2004|11:06 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  rushed | ] |
You are mRNA. You're brilliant, full of important,
interesting information and you're a great
friend to the people you care about. You may
have sides to you that no one understands. But
while you understand more than most people,
you're only half-there most of the time.
Which Biological Molecule Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla
i changed my death question and i got this...
You are an enzyme. You are powerful, dark,
variable, and can change many things at your
whim...even when they're not supposed to be
changed. Bad you. You can be dangerous or
wonderful; it's your choice.
Which Biological Molecule Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla |
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| it's hot in here... |
[Feb. 10th, 2004|10:45 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  hot | ] |
god i hate the computer lab in curtis...it's like so fucking hot it's not even funny...and the windows ARE opened...wtf-mate...
anyway...nothing really worth noteing but i guess i'll try...
parents seem better (atleast that is how they act around me now)...
friday i don't remember much but i do know we went and saw miracle (by we i mean me, kimbrie, and hynes)...i went to jess's, she has a nice house...seems like a lot of fun...and it's close by ^.^...so i picked kimbrie up from there, went and got gas and drove to hynes's unable to see out my window because it was raining and my windshield whipers are broke :{
wow this keyboard sucks...
anyway...saturday i read some java and then tried to put my bros old comp stuff (like cd-rw and floppy drive and harddrive) into my old comp...at first i couldn't get the power supply to work...so i switched it with the one from my bros old comp...no biggie...it worked and everything was fine...but i had plugged it into the wall and had to remove his fone adapter...so i went to plug the comp into the surge protector and everything...but when i tried to turn the comp back on...it wouldn't...so i started to freak and crap...i gave up...at this point it's 5:00pm...i started working on it at like 2:00pm...and i hadn't eaten at all yet...
so kimbrie came over and i forget what we did...hmmm...oooo i got new shoes...we went to KOP and into the vans store to get me shoes...i was in there for like 10min and i was done...so sad...i never take long with shoes...anyway...i think we ate at the food court and then headed to her apt where we decided to go to the river and get a water sample...yea...that didn't sound fun...but it had to get done (haha it rhymes...im good)...
whatev...
we met up with pete and lisa soon followed by ilagan and karen...not bad if i do say so myself...seeing how originally we were all gonna hangout...but decided against it...and we still managed to get together...
so we headed to the maniyunk diner (i spelled that really wrong lol o'well) and we chilled there for like 2hrs...we had a nice waitress :P
after that we parted ways and i came home...did nothing and work up in the morning and me and my dad working on the comps...to no avail...BUT i did manage to shock myself with 200watts of power...yippie...
i had taken the power supply apart once again to check the fuse to make sure it was fine...and when i went to plug it back in...i crossed over the hot and cold wires and zap i went...it's strange because the ground wire it right between them...and i wasn't touching it...
as my dad put it "humans are the greatest ground ever invented...but also the greatest conductors"...how true that statement it lol...i wont go into the science of that...but just think about it next time you get shocked...
lol...it was a fun experience...
that night i think i stayed in...i think...i don't remember...o'wait...no me and kimbrie went to pete's where ilagan and kollmer were...i ate like all the pizza and paid the price the next day (yesterday)...man did my stomach feel like shit...actually that WAS what i was doing ^.~
work sucked...SC fucking rocked (i was the biggest roach ever)...and school sucks right now :{
so i think that concludes this update...i know it was boring...but i had to do something with the hour and 40min break i have between calc I and IHx052 :P
adios all... |
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| zoom zoom... |
[Feb. 2nd, 2004|07:06 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
the car show was awesome...i took some pics...met up with this kid i hadn't seen in like 2yrs...pretty sweet car, but he is what is wrong with the scene...stupid punk lol...but whatev...good kid nonetheless..
i don't have much else to say...i'll prolly make an update after work...but i felt compeled to write this now :P |
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| The Constitution can't save your ass now... |
[Jan. 29th, 2004|05:30 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  crushed | ] |
today i was coming home and i got stuck in traffic at the convention center because they are loading the cars in for the car show...then i got stuck in some police activity like 2 blocks down near 12th and market...like behind the PSFS building (aka the loews hotel)...and i heard "Lose Yourself" by eminem...and i got alittle sad and choked up and crap...it was weird...then headstrong came on...and again i get sad...pathetic if you ask me...but i still can't figure out what in those songs made me feel that way :{ |
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| through human discourse... |
[Jan. 29th, 2004|11:33 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  aggravated | ] |
ugh so the last few days have been hell in my house...some fighting has been going on every night between my rents over stupid and petty shit...but some hurtfull stuff has been said, somethings that can never be taken back. one says something to hurt the other and the other has nothing to say except something else hurtfull back...again...stuff that will never come back and has changed the atmosphere in my house for good...
last night was kind of scary, my mom and dad went at it and in the end...my mom left...and ended up coming back...but only because she had no were to really go at that time...she does now if she does go home with my aunt tonight instead of coming home, then things will be forever altered...
i wanted to hit my father last night for the shit he said to my mother, stuff not even i could say to a person, maybe in jest...but not in the context...never will i be my father...never will i see what he sees...
he feels we are all against him because me and my bro picked up for mom last night and the night before...
the first fight started because of my brothers cell fone incident (he dropped it in the toilet and needed a new one)...my brother found out that i would only cost $20 to get a new one if we extended our contract with t-moble till jan 2005...like we weren't going to do it anyway...everytime our contract is up...we renew it...period end of discussion...but my father decides to "teach" my brother lesson and tells him that we don't wanna be locked into a plan because if he wants to change it he can...but if we are locked...we can't...pause...back up to may last year...
i lost my cellfone and my father had nothing to say...my brother wanted a new fone and since i didn't have one...we decided to get 3 new fones...i was me who did all the work to research all the plans and the fones and pick them for us...it was me who did it this time...my father didn't understand shit about the plan till his friend (who we got the fones from) explained it in easier terms (i was there for that one because i picked up the fones with him ebfore i went to MD for the weeked)...so my father wouldn't look up a new plan...he doesn't even know the t-moble website...idiot...fucking moron...anyway...back to present...
so we were going to renew it...now we "might not be" so a fight ensues because my father wont listen to my brother and he keeps cutting him off and screaming...when we told him he was screaming he said "no i wasn't" and then proceeded to deny everything he had said...what a moron...he backed himself into a hole and tried to get himself out of it...but he is not good at turning convo's around to make people forget and shit...
he also will never say he was wrong or sorry...i hate it...he knows he is wrong...
then last night my mom tries to smooth it over with him and make a nice dinner and crap...he decided he didn't want it and made his own dinner...when 2 nights before my mom tried to make my bro grilled cheese and my dad screamed saying "why can't he eat what we eat? why do you always have to catter to them" and shit like that...and now he does this? huh...ummm...baby that is all he is being...
he says shit and forgets he says it and when we call him on it and remembers he still wont just say he was wrong...he will keep it up because at that point he knows he has lost and if he gives up he will lose all credability...um...wrong...he already lost it all...he just doesn't see it that way...
he pretends he does SOOOO much in my house...when all he does is sit around and watch tv while my mom cooks, cleans, washes, irons, sorts the bills, pays the bills, sorts and pays my both my grents bills and makes sure everything is on time...and he has the balls to say he does more? man i wish i would have hit him last night...
after he said some shit to my mom and she left i ran down stairs and he was cleaning up the kitchen from the fight...i grabed both his wrists and forced him against the wall...i could feel him struggling...but i wasn't going to let go...and he knew he couldn't do anything...because at this point...i do over power him...he stands no chance...and he knew it as soon as he couldn't break free...i help him there and screamed at him for like 10min almost till my brother came down and tried to talk to him in a civil manner...see i know how to get through to my father in the way he thinks he gets through to us...and my brother knows how to talk to my father the way my father things he talks...
see he doesn't think he screams...when he re-tells the story...he says it as if he was a gentle man...but he wasn't...it's wrong and fucked up...
i gtg...class is about to begin...if it already hasn't...so adios...i may finish this later...
P.S. i know i shouldn't be blogging this but fuck all you who judge...this is my family...and this is my story... |
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hungry